So..

you know how there are some people who love someone more after sex ? You dont ? Well ,,,,, my point is I AM THAT PERSON . I love him i love him i love him . This weekend was so hot . And i loved him more because i feel safe and felt safe . I used to look at him and worry . Im not worrying anymore. Thank me thank me thank me. I knew i could do it . I fucking knew . I keep beating myself up about the bad shit the bad luck thats happened to me in my lovely dramatic life but honestly i do get everything i want and the things i dont get are the things i really didnt want that much in the first place .

Thursday night ? Really ? i dont remember . It was perfect . My past vaginal penetrations ( oh how romantic) have been messy , bloody and and fraught with hesitance and insecurity . But this time it was -just right . It still hurt. Its a mystery how i’m still tight . Maybe i have like a permanent hymen or something anyway …he’s pretty big . I noticed a few droplets of the red stiuff on the bed only after we finished . But i didnt notice it all while we were fucking . Maybe because we were high and i was tipsy but he was drunk . It ended with no regrets . Only love sweet love and finally -and boy do i deserve it – a restful mind . And a restful mind for him too . Im so glad im happy and hes happy and no one had to suffer from the – unfortunate past ?

Im soooo happpppyyyyyyyyyyy. Finally . Things are looking up .

Habeeby . Yes i do love him more more and more and i think him too . Sex either fucks up everything or makes everything perfect , i guess.

And i know that now ive opened that door . Its gonna be all about THAT now but i dont care . I love it and whats so bad about that door anyhow fucking while you’re in love is basically just loving .There’s not fucking involved . Its just an extension of your love .

And lets not kid ourselves . I have a sex addiction problem .

HAHAHAHAHAHA that sounded so funny . Why is that a problem ?! Well, its a slight hindarance if youve been hungry for kids and now that you’re fucking without inhibitions , you realize you need to hold on till your wedding day at least . Ummmm kiddddds <3

But C is a meanie and doesnt want kids right away .HAH three years. But i dont care . Why the fuck did i get married anyhow . Okay that was mean. Im sorry C. You shouldve seen the way he kept double checking that condom . And you should have seen the way i completely didnt .

He’ll forgive me . C is nicer than me . He doesnt know how to talk sometimes but i guess im pretty hard to talk , too. But he is really nice . And he’s so hot . Which also helps . So caring and gentle and passionate .

Yeah i just saw him .Did you sense the heat coming out of me ?  I still want him .How about us making out in the unlocked salah while my family is next door haha best kisssserrrr eveerrrrrr . Ya zeen elbaya3aan wallah . Habeeby .

Im horny :( Goodnight :(

Kidddddsssss little small dirty things running around :((((((

p.s. im thinking of writing a short story called ” a struggle of a girl in her melcha who wants to have babies but has to wait until her wedding day”  Catchy title , eh ? Read by only the people here of course. Nobody would understand that title anywhere else in the world. I dont think i do too .