skunk

so im lying in bed and im squeezing my eyes trying to cry but my eyes arent having any of it you know the tears wont come out they just wont they come only after a small silly thing happens they like to humilate me embarras me infront of people like the time i cried when my powder case broke everyone thought i was nuts for crying

but right now after everything in my brain has come together and crashed crashed crashed theres an accident in my head and i cant do anything about it better wait till something not worth crying over happens so i can cry and then well then the accident what about the accident the crash what about

My head hurts and my eyes hurt but the worst thing is what i just thought just thought as i was trying to sleep . I wished that id fall sleep and never wake up . I have never ever in my entire life had suicidal thoughts . Never . Ive wished to hurt and actually hurt myself . But never have i honestly whole heartedly wished to die . Ive always been kinda proud of that . You know . Always been really proud of myself for that .I would say look at you ya flana this and this happened to you but you stay strong shit happens you cry you bitch than you move on im proud of you ! But now thats changed . I had a suicidal thought .Isnt that fucked up . That cant be good right .Im sure ill be ok tomorrow ill be tweeting along and laughing it up like i didnt just post this thats still me being strong right ? but right now right now i feel no im not gonna say it again