lol

yes lol actually more like l just l or ls i.e. laughing silently i feel weird i dont know if what happened yesterday meant something didnt mean anything or conformed what i thought all along

i put a finger down my throught and made myself vomit twice so that my mother would hear me , come to me and wont fight with me anymore

ls

and the fight was pretty silly and my mum would have talked to me by the next day but all i could think was i want pity , sympathy , and love NOW like right fucking now and that i just couldnt bear going to her and kissing her and making up with her and saying sorry even though its not my fault

and i got it i got the love and sympathy and i also got a rashy thing on my face that i always get when im stressed , coughed alot or vomited

ls

i feeel no no you know what i wanna do i want to hit someone and punch someone until i hear something breaking or see blood

did i tell you about the time i broke an injured birds neck

snap

im not upset or depressed its just im so weak and i cant take it I JUST CANT TAKE IT a couple of days ago something dangerous happened and all my folks were scared except me and my mum got upset .. ls … and was like you have no feelings and i was like whatever is meant to will be whats the big deal if we died we died and she was like you should thank god but i did thank god and my folks just looked at me ..

its just that

well im not a pornstar i cant take it