i miss my funny abusive baby

Ive always known why a man did what he did and didn’t do what he was supposed to do ( in a relationship ) .Every action every wrong every mistake the man did I’ve known why he did it . If it wasn’t for that reason it was the other and if it isn’t the other it was the one at the back of my mind . In my own opinion , Ive only been wrong once . And that was because i let my emotions get the best of me and i tried as subconsciously possible to think of forgivable possibilities on why he left . Wishful thinking is a bitch .

Why did Usf rape me ?

A. He thought I was a whore and thought that i would like it .

Why did Aziz leave ?

A. He loved another girl specifically his cousin .

Why did Hamad want to marry me ?

A. He thought that i loved him and loved my purity and childlike manner .

Why did Fahad cheat on me ?

A. He hated that i didn’t get jealous and thought that i was cold and unfeeling .

Its so cliche but so fucking true . Time heals everything . I don’t hate the above because i understand why they fucked up and that makes sense to me .I even feel sorry for poor diabetic Usf. I heard that his sisters were notoriously known whores . How ironic . What i hate is when girls do what they do and i think as hard as i can and it still doesn’t make any sense to me .

Why did Rawan mess around with my boyfriend ?

A 1 . She hates me …. NO

A 2 . She could never find a guy as good as my boyfriend … NO she was was pretty

A 3 . She’s a boy friend stealing whore … NO not good enough

A 4 . She thought he was the committing let’s get married type .. I have never said or suggested that

Why did Dalal think that i was talking to her boyfriend  ?

A. ????

If you are thinking why don’t you ask them . Well , i did . I asked them and many others and i never got a straight answer . Which is another thing that women do differently from men ; they never give you a straight answer . I hate being the stereotypical woman against women but its as if women when confronted with a breathing healthy man their biological clock starts ticking like crazy and become very insecure and lose all rational thought .I dont believe that its only women who put men in front of their female friends because Ive seen a share of guys who have trampled over everyone for their woman . But i think that women more than men do a lot of things that don’t make any sense whether it be with men , in the workplace or with their family .

Okay enough about other women . Because technically i cant read the minds of women so i cant rightfully know why they do what they do . Lets ask myself why i have done the incomprehensible things that i have done . Ive done my best to push them to back of my mind . But no . Its judgment time .

Why do you break up with guys for petty reasons ?

A. I honestly don’t know

Why did you stick to Fahad even though he treated you like shit ?

A1. I liked his smile .

A2. He was really funny .

Why did you go back to Fahad even after he hit you ?

A. I was at a period in my life when i wanted to be treated like shit .

Why did you talk shit about Reem to her girlfriend causing problems between them ?

A. I hated hated how they loved her more than me hated it . I wanted me to be loved me to be adored me to be wanted not her .

My latest man is oh so infuriatingly sweet . Ive done everything implicitly to push him away . Ive been talking to him in a ” im one of the guys ” manner because most of them hate that as you know . They want a girl who makes them feel like a man not that he’s sitting with the fellas . A girl who is daloo3ah and vulnerable and sweet and caring . Yup that’s totally me . Ive been making fun of him , saying dirty jokes , running my foul mouth , and yeah i call him once a day , And what do i get after all that not so hard work ?

“I love your personality .”

Hmmm . He still does the pause thing but now when he does that i cut him off and say ” talk about something else I’m bored already ” and he surprisingly takes it and changes the topic . Aha . Isn’t he a keeper . What else have i done to push him away ? Lemme think .. Oh yes ! I told him that i used to talk to one of his friends and he said :

” That’s all in the past now . “

Offf . The other day he did soemthing so romantic which nauseated me at first but then i sort of liked it . He’s turning me into a sentimental fool like him . Did i mention that he’s a really smooth talker . Really smooth . The things he says . He cracks me up . I’m waiting for the “I  think you’re even hotter then Adriana Lima” comment .